Spelling Bee
Announcer:
Hello everybody, and welcome to the 37th annual spelling bee. It's sure to be
an interesting match this year. Returning from last year, reigning supreme, we
have contestant Viktor von Ivanovski. As you may remember it was a perilous
fight for the title of spelling bee champ last year as they ran out of English
words and had to cut into the elusively challenging Martian words. But, after a
twenty seven hour marathon Viktor finally came out on top. He is the favorite
to win this year, but there is some talk for incoming Rookie- um, I'm sorry
there must be a typo, it just says Lil' Timmy. What? Oh, that's his legal name.
Ok, well, Lil' Timmy, though he is only a fourth grader, was allowed into the
sixth grade spelling bee for his extreme skill.
Oh, the spelling bee is starting. First up is contestant number one,
Suzy Finklestein.
Word bearer:
Contestant number one, your word is: bazaar.
Suzy: Oh,
that's easy. I'm not even going to ask for the definition. Honestly, you mock
my intelligence asking me such a simplistic word. Bizarre: B- I- Z- A- R- R- E.
Bizarre.
Word Bearer:
Oh, Suzy, I'm sorry that is incorrect. You spelled bizarre as in weird or strange.
I was asking for bazaar, as in a middle eastern marketplace.
Suzy: What?!
That is preposterous! I demand a new word. You can't do this to me! I am the
best speller here!
Word Bearer:
Security!
Suzy: I was
born to be a star! A Star! You'll see! You'll all see! [Suzy is dragged off
stage]
Announcer:
Well, what an exciting beginning to tonight's event. The next contestant is
contestant number two, the returning champ, Viktor von Ivanovski.
Word Bearer:
Contestant number two, your word is: Harlequin.
Viktor: Ah
yes, Harlequin, a buffoon, a dim- wit, just like all of you capitalist Americans.
Very well, I shall spell your word. Harlequin: H- A- R- L- E- Q- U- I- N,
Harlequin.
Word Bearer:
Yes, that is correct.
Viktor:, Of,
course it is correct, I spelled it.
Announcer:
Well, Viktor is off to a good start. Now for our next contestant- ahem- Lil'
Timmy.
Word Bearer:
Your word is: crustaceology.
Lil'
Timmy: [ looks at the ceiling a moment
as if figuring something out]
Crustaceology:
(snapping as he says every letter) C- R- U- S- T- A- C- E- O- L- O- G.....-Y!
Crustaceology!
Word Bearer:
Yes, that is correct.
Announcer: A
correct word from Lil' Timmy. Now, onto Jeffrey Weiblergh
Word Bearer:
Jeffrey, your word is: unanswerable
Jeffrey:
What? well then why give it to me if it's impossible to answer? What kind of
cruel sick joke is this!?
Word bearer:
No, no Jeffrey the word itself which you are to spell is unanswerable.
Jeffrey:
What? oh. Well now you just lowered my confidence.
Word Bearer:
I am sorry Jeffrey, but the word remains.
Jeffrey:
Alright. Can you use it in a sentence?
Word Bearer:
The extremely difficult word in the spelling bee, many considered to be
unanswerable.
Jeffrey:
What's that supposed to mean? Are you saying something? I might as well give up
now, is that what you're saying? Fine, I forfeit, you happy? [Jeffrey runs
crying offstage]
Announcer:
Well, this has been quite an interesting match as of yet. We'll be right back
after a quick word from our sponsors.
Commercial:
Has this ever happened to you?
Boy: I have a really fancy word that
I want to use in my essay which would make me sound really smart- like, but I
don't know how to spell it?
Well, if it
has, then you need autocorrect! Because who really needs to know how to spell?
Announcer: And
we're back! They have whittled away at the contestants leaving only three left:
Lil' Timmy, Viktor von Ivanovski, and Stephen Spellberg. Once again, for the
second year in a row, they have run out of English words and have moved on to
the Terrifyingly difficult Martian words. These words have absolutely no discernible
pattern to them, and some even use punctuation and numbers in the middle of
them. This is bound to be very exciting.
Viktor: I
don't know what you are all still doing here, but I can guarantee you, you will
lose. (Evil Chuckle) Oh, yes I shall make sure of that, even if I have to break
every bone in their bodies, and rip out their tongues, I will win!
Stephen:
Hey, man, we can hear you, we're right here.
Viktor: Yes you
are, Stephen and it is burning my eyes looking at you, now disperse, before I
die from your ugly.
Stephen:
Hey, man, you're kind of mean. Can't we all just be friends?
Viktor: No!
I must win this spelling bee so that I can assert my dominance on America and install
a communist government.
Lil' Timmy:
Viktor
Viktor: What
is it, Lil' Timmy!?
Lil' Timmy: You're twelve
Viktor: Your
Point?
Lil' Timmy:
... never mind
Stephen: Hey, it looks like I'm up.
Viktor: Good
luck Stephen.
Stephen:
Gee, thanks! [walks away]
Viktor:
You'll need it. [takes a breath from Stephen's inhaler]
Word Bearer:
Your word is : [makes some guttural noise]
Stephen: Oh!
I know this one. It's (gasp)... It's (gasp). [Stephen searches for his inhaler]
Hey, (gasp) where's my (gasp) inhaler! [Stephen passes out]
Announcer:
Oh my, it looks like we have a speller down. We will be right back.
Viktor:
[doubled over, laughing maniacally]
Lil' Timmy:
Hey, man you did that. You stole Stephen's inhaler so that he would have to
forfeit. You are just a big meanie.
Viktor: Oh,
yeah, what if I did? What are you going to do about it?
Lil' Timmy:
The only thing I can do: Spell.
Viktor: Ha
Ha Ha! I shall vanquish you just like everyone else. Martian words are my
specialty.
Lil'
Timmy: Oh please. I'm one- fourth
Martian.
Announcer:
Alright, we are back. Unfortunately Stephen is disqualified, however, the
doctors say he will be alright. Now, it is a duel between Lil' Timmy, and
Viktor von Ivanovski. Let's watch.
Word Bearer:
Lil' Timmy, your word is (guttural noise)
Lil' Timmy:
(random assortment of letters)
Word Bearer:
That is correct. Viktor, your word is (guttural noise)
Viktor:
(random assortment of letters)
Word Bearer:
That is correct. Lil' Timmy, your word is (guttural noise)
Lil' Timmy:
(random assortment of letters)
Word Bearer:
That is correct. Viktor, your word is (guttural noise)
Viktor:
(random assortment of letters)
Announcer:
Well it looks like it's going to be a long harsh battle. We'll be right back after this
message.
Commercial: Has this ever happened to you?
Boy: Aw, man autocorrect just put in
a word for this text message that makes me sound real dumb!
Other boy: Hey, at least you didn't have
to check for your spelling! Yay!
If so, then
you need autocorrect. Autocorrect: close enough.
Announcer:
And we are back! Amazing. The two boys are still at it, perfectly spelling
every word. Now all that is left for them to spell is the Martian word, used to
describe all words, in one giant word. If they both spell this word correctly
then there will be no choice but to declare it a tie.
Word Bearer:
Alright, this is the final word. It is for all the marbles. (make an obnoxiously
long strand of random noises)
Word Bearer:
Viktor.
Viktor: S-
Word bearer:
Oh, I am terribly sorry, that is incorrect. Lil' Timmy, your turn
Lil' Timmy:
(obnoxiously long strand of random letters, punctuation, and numbers)
Word Bearer:
I lost track after the four hundred twenty second letter, so I'm afraid you
will have to spell it again... Nah! I'm just Kidding! That was correct. Lil'
Timmy, you are the new spelling bee champion.
Lil' Timmy:
Ha Ha! Take that Viktor! In your face. [dances a little bit]
The End
Great start! Cute concept.
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